did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
