apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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