so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
