after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
