Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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