two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
