At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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