I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
