Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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