I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
