Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
