Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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