Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
