I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
