update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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