it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
