she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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