If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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