quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
