I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
