Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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