i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
