thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
