if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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