Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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