8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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