ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
