Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
