we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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