If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
