I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
