I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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