what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize