i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
