She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
