Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Text me some of your sweat
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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