So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
