I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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