I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize