Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
