you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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