bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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