great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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