i already hear my dad disowning me
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
