Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
