the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
