Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
