I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
