The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
