Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
