hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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