I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
