True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
