Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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