Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
