I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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