I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
