Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
