it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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