She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
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My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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