I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Semen is not good for contacts.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
