The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
