So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Randomize
