I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
someone owes me an orgasm
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
