So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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