jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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