I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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