i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
