I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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